Vino Paradisio

Sunday morning after a restless night I wiped dried up blood off of my road bike, loaded it into my truck along with wine and appetizers and picked up Merry (who had been my companion on the fateful ride earlier this spring). “Vino Paradisio” is an informally organized annual ride put together by a “foodie” road-biking couple. The idea is to ride Paradise Valley with frequent stops at scenic vistas to enjoy yummy appetizers and fine wine with good peeps in paradise. Merry and I deemed it the perfect chance to get back on our bikes on the same road (different stretch, different direction). Emotions were mixed, scenery was stellar, the food and wine a delicious fine twist to fuel pedaling upwind. The soothing post-ride soak at Chico Hot Springs after the ride calmed the burning sensation in my injured calf and left me smiling inside and out. I am blessed to have compassionate supportive friends, a kind understanding partner and this amazing place in paradise which beckons me toward adventure with a promise of new memories.

Through the darkness

Psychological demons left me crumbled without creative inspiration the past few months after I was attacked by a pack of vicious pitbulls in the spring.  I forced myself to draw the darkness at times in an effort to fight my way toward the light.  Francis Bacon understood when he said, "In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present."

Tala's first summit

The wound in Tala’s neck healed quickly but she is a bit of a mess around male dogs since her attack this spring. Tala is a hermit-by-default living with me up here at the end of the road near the top of this mountain so we are making efforts to expose her to other dogs. We spent a lovely morning on a popular trail in the Bridger Mountains where she met many dogs but she was more focused on exploring than socializing – proving herself super game for trail adventures.

My wounded leg did pretty well although a far cry from its healthy summit-seeking self. Damaged muscle tissue deep inside the calf inside created pain but it was manageable and totally worth it to embark on a short trail together.  We didn't make it to the peak we set out to tag but we made it to the ridge and topped out on a rocky no-name peak which will now be forever known to us as "Tala's Peak."

Doctor's orders

Much is revealing itself during this humbling journey sparked by intense PTSD.  I am thankful for the insight and encouragement of my trauma therapist who actually wrote me a prescription that includes Momma Nature (of course I was already leaning on Momma Nature but "doctors order's has allowed me to feel less guilty about this unexpected "sabbatical" from studio time while I heal).

"Festive Lady" - the bed keeps going viral...!

[embed]https://youtu.be/5kXK9r01J6U[/embed] Near-and-dear-to-my-heart - "Festive Lady" has gone viral once again with more than 149,000 "shares" from the FB page "Horse Talk" who posted it recently.  Pleases me to have the creation seen by so many people!!!  Alas - somehow it was originally posted by someone on Facebook without giving me credit as the artist/creator.  Hard to know where they got the image from, could have been one of the many publications who have featured the bed.  But in honor of the energy spinning around the creation as it whirls around the world of Facebook, I encourage you to watch the short sweet video showing the creation of this signature piece.

De-railed

Eight weeks ago today, I was viciously attacked by a pack of three pit bulls while riding my bike with a girlfriend on a paved road that winds next to the Yellowstone River in Paradise Valley.  Just three minutes into a ride blessed by sunshine after an overcast morning, I found myself in an unforgettable scene from a horror movie - fighting for my life.   I wrote those words, "fighting for my life" then deleted them - worried that I would sound like a drama queen - a sensationalistic blogger.  I typed the words again.  The truth in those words is wrapped in gratitude.

I am lucky.

I am thankful the dogs attacked me rather than my companion rider.  Merry had just purchased new pedals for her road bike the day before.  We could not get her cleats to clip into the pedals so she was not attached to her bike but I was firmly clipped into my pedals.  Merry only weights 110 pounds - much less than the biggest dog in the attack.  She would certainly have been pulled from her bike at a horrible disadvantage on the ground - just two weeks before her wedding.

I am thankful for more-than-twenty years of experience as a hard-core mountain biker.  People who understand technicalities of biking marvel at the fact I stayed on my bike even after the largest dog sunk its teeth fully into and around my calf, another dog jumped and snapped at my other leg and a third dog cut me off in an intense stand-off inches from my front tire.  Survival instincts kicked in.  I was determined not to go down.  

Two visits to ER, a summer solstice hospital stay due to an invasive blood infection followed by rounds of heavy IV antibiotics that threw my whole system into a post-antibiotic fit of unhealthy symptoms lasted for weeks.  My body began to make progress healing but then my mental and emotional state crumbled.  While the dogs did not succeed in yanking me off the bike, they did succeed in an unprecedented derailment.  I felt broken.

PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) descended heavily on my psyche.  I have been overcome with unfounded debilitating fear at random times followed by emotional hangovers and dark depression.  The skills I acquired during life lived as a super sensitive soul barely kept me afloat during the past two months.  I mustered the gumption to rally each day to care for my mother during the last weeks while her live-in caregiver was away.  I have never felt so internally exhausted.

I haven't written.  I haven't created.  I have taken care of myself and let others take care of me.  My leg is freakishly tender-to-the-touch but last week I experienced a few days without pain (as long as nothing touched my leg).  The recent relief from daily physical pain did wonders for my spirit.  I am seeing a trauma therapist.  Momma Nature, self-nurture, my loving partner and good friends are potent support during a difficult time.  

I am lucky.

Soul's Purpose - time to meditate after attacks

Three weeks I have been silent on my blog after a traumatic event. Today, I attempt to return to work (at my desk anyway).  I want to get you caught up - so - I go online and see the last post on my blog was about my "Soul's Purpose" and my desire to create healing art in hospitals.  Uncanny and extra meaningful to see that post today having done some hospital time myself recently.  I am going to borrow from the few Facebook posts I managed while under-the-weather and place them below in a journal update for you.

JUNE 13

Tala was viciously attacked by a large dog yesterday. Scary intense. Full of morphine after our visit to the vet (they cleaned and put a drain into the deep wound) Tala slept in my lap while I drove slowly, gently up the dirt road home. Last 24 hours were rough but she's already showing a bit of her spunk and will be fine.

JUNE 14

Tala convalescing after the BIG scary dog attack. She's sporting a bandana (my style idea of extra protection to cover the drain in the wound on her neck). The sock is just to keep her from scratching and ripping the drain out. She's on the rode to recovery.

JUNE 15

Tala loves her bed privileges while convalescing, I can monitor her and she gets to feel like a queen beneath the canopy. She had her most restful night of sleep since the attack and is bouncing back to her joyful self.

JUNE 17

Tala's paw is on my arm comforting me in this selfie taken Monday upon my return from ER after being attacked by 3 pit bulls.  Monday morning after a low-key weekend vigil caring for Tala and her injury, a girl friend joined me for a road ride up East River Road past Chico. Five minutes into our ride I was viciously attacked by 3 pit bulls in the road in front of the residence that used to be the Wanigan store. Luckily my friend survived unscathed but I am on crutches, full of gratitude that the 100 + pound pit bull that sunk its teeth deep into my calf with a horrifying full-jaw-gripping bite did not succeed in yanking me off my bike since all 3 dogs were attacking me at once. If the pit bull had pulled me off the bike I would have been on the ground beneath all three attacking dogs. The momentum of my feet clipped into my road bike pedals ripped my leg loose from the dog's jaw on my right leg. The dog incessantly charging the front of my bike moved to the side aiming for the leg caught in the biggest dog's mouth while the other pit bull jumped and snapped at my left shin. Thank goodness I am a strong, athletic and seasoned biker. Thank goodness my petite friend was safely ahead of me yelling "Keep pedalling!! Keep pedaling!!" Thank goodness it wasn't a family with children out riding a public scenic road on a beautiful morning.

JUNE 19 - (posted by Raymond)

The bite wounds are beginning to heal but the infection running up her leg has Amber back in the hospital where they will be keeping her overnight. She is on heavy antibiotics in hopes of keeping it in control.

JUNE 20

Guess I will get settled into hospital life since Dr wants me on another 24 hours of IV antibiotics. Feeling much better than yesterday. Not used to spending the longest days of the year inside but I get to dive into  William Hjortsberg's latest assuredly brilliant romp "Mañana." Raymond bought the book as a gift for me yesterday after Marc at Elk River Books assured him "although the book has violence it doesn't have any dog violence..."

JUNE 23

Lotsa love and color brightened days spent in the hospital. Home now, I'm sporting a bandage the same color as the princess crown. Thank you for sharing beauty from your garden Joanne Gardner !! Love my new soft jammies Deirdre and Robin!!! Thank you Audrey, Linda,Raymond and the rest of you sweeties who spoiled me along with all the good energy I felt, saw and received from so many. Blown away. On the mend. Itching to tag a summit when I can...!

JULY 6

A friend on Facebook said, "It's got to be a major crisis in faith or belief for someone who loves animals as much as you do to be attacked by one..."

My reply:  "I don't think I've lost faith or belief in animals but I do feel like I've lost something. I think if it had been just one dog I wouldn't feel "broken." The pack mentality certainly added a level of horror hard to explain. I am still processing; determined to feel what comes up and move forward. If I don't find what I lost, maybe I'll find something better..."

Soul's Purpose

Since I was a little girl, I believed I have something to say.  Last year I felt a clear connection to that feeling when I realized that I am meant to create healing art for hospitals and cancer clinics.  Susan Saarel shared this on Facebook one year ago today - punctuating my belief and purpose.  Here is what Susan shared:

Epiphany.

(Done all we can with Neurology in Bozeman except for a brain biopsy so we want a second opinion, because yeah…that's pretty invasive. Waited over a month for the earliest appointment in Billings. Broke his hip in the meantime, but I'm still taking you, I said. Early morning appointment, so let's stay at the Dude Rancher Lodge, get a good nights sleep. Except I could not sleep at all. 4 a.m. and still I lie awake. All kinds of thoughts running through my mind.

Dr. Scott Riggins was great and very thorough. Cute and funny too. Which made Doug a bit jealous when I told him so. Well, I'm not dead yet, I said. Neither am I, he said. And we laughed.

And as we left the Billings Clinic, I maneuvered his wheelchair through something familiar. Wait a minute. I know these, I said. These are Amber Jean's! And I felt compelled to photograph him among her Reliquaries.

In her own words, she describes her work: "The epiphany happened unexpectedly at the base of a tree. Struck by lightening, the tree stood twisted and torn, dead and alive, insistently bold and strikingly humble. Sap ran like tears. Crimson red streaked the black charred trunk. Nakedly exposed dead limbs savagely intermingled with the tender life-bearing leaf-filled branches. Passionate clinging …survival …acceptance …love and loss …all wrapped into the trunk of a tree made more beautiful by the scars… more majestic in its humility. I was awestruck. The powerful mixed message struck my soul and blazed my heart…charred and scarred. Instant communion… I felt deeply ALIVE. I cried. The ordinary made extraordinary…a relic holds more power for me than an idol. Existence based in experience rather than an image made in the likeness of something other. The energy emanating from a relic or the care given to a reliquary both have the potential to be captivating. The fortuitous spirit I witnessed that afternoon touched twisted triumphant places in my own soul. Split. Relic and reliquary. Raw and adorned. Shockingly disturbing and deeply comforting. Tragic and triumphant. I embrace life with its contradictions and plunge headlong into the marvel."

It was foretold almost 18 years ago that Doug would have an epiphany. We waited for it and perhaps it is still yet to come. But today, I realized this epiphany is not only Amber Jean's but mine and Doug's too.

It is collectively ours.)

Tala is FIVE months old today

My goodness time with Tala has FLOWN by....!  Precious.  Precious.  Precious...!

One year ago today...

I didn't realize quite what I started when I began the series of palm-size solid bronze critters.  The beginning-of-the-year time for reflection mini-sculpture project has developed into a fun way for more people to have a bit of my spirited and spiritual Montana mountain life in their home. Tying each bow, writing each little note is done with love and a smile while feeling the joy and support from my collectors throughout the year.

Featured in a documentary series...

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMQJYV4CRK0&feature=youtu.be[/embed] My goodness we have SO much catching up to do!!!!  I would love to ramble all about the wonderful experience of this sweet little documentary - from being discovered (crazy story involving dinosaurs and cowboys) to being asked (what an honor to be included in a series about people inspired by their Montana surroundings).  Then too - there is the day I spent with the young bright talented film makers.  But l'll let this short sweet documentary "do the talking..."

Mother's Day

I am a mother to my mom during this chapter; buttoning the glitzy young-girl-size blue jeans she is so proud of but can't put on herself. Her tiny little 83 pound shaky body bore me back when she had two beautiful small breasts instead of scars. My heart is split open with love and sadness, gratitude and grief, acceptance and duty.

Every day is Mother's Day, each day a different version of the being I knew and gently (but with fire) embrace.

Apollo

A blaze of color, "Apollo" is one of the sculptures featuring a patina bird skull and feathered niche as part of my recent small reliquary series.

Springtime in the Rockies

Momma Nature is moody this time of year.  Yesterday was flip flop weather but today is not the best morning for the studio zip line.  Tala LOVES the snow (and the rain and the sun and the butterflies and the grouse and the puddles and...Tala loves everything!!!)

A letter from Ted Turner

"As a frequent user of the Gallatin Yellowstone International Airport, I will personally enjoy seeing and using your unique bison bench sculpture there once it has been installed." - Ted Turner

Ted Turner hand-signed the letter and contributed a generous amount toward putting the life-size bison bench sculpture at the airport.  Carved originally in black walnut, bronze castings of the sculpture are in a private collections and one museum - all outside Montana.   Will be a significant honor to have one of my sculptures greeting people as they arrive to Bozeman.  I believe we are in the home stretch of fundraising efforts.  If you are interested in being part of the project.  Contact me.

And so it begins...

The last three years began with a ritual of creating one palm-size woodland critter sculpture in clay to be cast in bronze. Each January the “critter project” has been a bit of a break from studio life - the sawdust, the BIG projects. Early mornings with tea at my dining room table, the sculptures came to life. The places they’ve traveled to their forever homes is a wondrous sweet thing. Affordable. Solid bronze. Made with love.

But this year I am making an extra little sculpture for a cause. Eaglemount is very near and dear to my heart. Any guesses as to what this lump of clay will become?

Frog for you?

I finally got to take one of these little buggers home (but only until Mother's Day).  ;)  The palm-size sculpture put a smile on my face yesterday morning as I groggily gathered my gumption to go outside.  Super fat wet snowflakes fell heavy on a socked-in morning; my cabin was literally in the clouds.  "Frog" grinned up at me from the entryway table as I stumbled out the door for a drive up Paradise Valley - the hot springs in Yellowstone Park sounded like a good idea. The little sculpture sure has a sweet contagious grin...!

Sunny solitude; first ride of the season

Overwhelm threatens to snuff my spirit, pummel my gumption, dampen my vision, break my body and squeeze my heart beyond bearable. But I reach for a slice of sun. I feel gratitude for a healthy strong body that can propel me through exhaustion and gift me with the satisfaction of an afternoon outing.  Just the road bike, Momma Nature and myself.

Birds chirped while I dodged the occasional fur-filled coyote poop left on the road. I pedaled up to the scenic frozen lake where I sat on a rock (crazy unusual to be beckoned by warm rocks that are typically buried beneath snow this time of year) but a wonderful place for a few meditative moments.  The soul-soothing, bone-warming, heart-heeling ride up Hyalite Canyon helped me muster my gumption and carry on.

Midas

King Midas is known in Greek mythology for his "golden touch."  Last year I was commissioned to paint a skull gold for a small reliquary sculpture and then asked to use gold for the reliquary to hold the golden skull.  Honestly I was a bit frightened of the power of so much gold in a small sculpture.  But of course I commission-to-please so; gold happened. I loved it.  I have more exploring with gold to do but meanwhile here is the latest venture (not a commission):

Charcoal drawing

Early one weekend morning I found myself in the studio before sunup with the intention of making a special birthday card.  But often my energy can hardly be confined to such a small space (even at that time of day).  BIGGER paper was more enticing, charcoal more wonderfully messy than ink and before I knew it a small drawing came into being just as the sun appeared for the day.