I skied with Becki. We threw snowballs. We sang. We “shot” each other while she chased me in a game of cops and robbers. When Becki “chases” me I can get her to turn more and snowplow less. We made up a rap song on the lift. We traded places while Becki played the “instructor.” She was pretty serious about her instructions and I thought I’d come up with a good idea until she gleefully shot past me and took off down the hill “to show me how its done.” We snowplowed (lots). We laughed and hugged…and hugged and laughed. Then I filled the routine report, snuck out of the hut without engaging the staff and trudged across the mud to my truck where I broke out in tears and cried my way down to the highway.

Lordy.
My innards have been a mess of gloppy goo. Alas gloppy goo is better than hardened cement. I visited with my dear sweet smart kind and caring surgeon earlier in the week and was assured the emotional swings and deep depression are common in women who have undergone recent hysterectomies. Of course somehow I thought I would be different than most and am shocked at the depth and length of darkness and emotions. I can say that rising above the muck for someone like Becki is worth the energy it takes to muster my gumption. The day on the slopes volunteering for Eagle Mount and skiing with Becki was a good thing and the tears…?…well …just part of my healing process.
Encouragement, support and compassion from close friends have me humbled and grateful. Some days it feels like I’m slipping on a loose scree slope where a steady hand and safe belay make all the difference. Luckily I have incredible friends who understand. I’m awkward at best while learning to open and receive. What a journey.
Eagle Mount is a volunteer program to provide quality recreational activities for people with mental and physical disabilities. See past posts about other great (and tearless) Becki ski days.